Midget sex pt 2 tonight
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
