I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
