Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
