u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
