how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
