Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
