he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
