Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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