true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
PANTIES FOUND
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