dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Randomize
