so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
