some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
