Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Princesses don't give blow jobs
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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