I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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