i think my mom watched the whole time
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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