on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
