brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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