Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
