Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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