The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
