Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
