She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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