how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
