just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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