The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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