And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
