Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
