Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
