Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
