We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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