well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
