If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
