It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
