1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
