I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
