just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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