i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Randomize
