i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
i need some magic done to my vagina
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
