He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
