yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
