If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
