what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
