His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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