If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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