Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
