But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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