Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Randomize
