We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
NoShamevember. You game?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
