Say something about gay babies.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
