We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
