is your mom at the bar?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
